Talk Cancer

Question:

"Wendy" <we…@hundredakerwood.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message

news:ag3ek6$ok9$1@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message > news:20020704221727.26843.00001085@mb-cv.aol.com… > > Amy, while I appreciate the sentiment of having people take > responsibility, I > > could never refuse to take my children, for any reason.  I have cancelled > > activities because my ex has changed visitation times.  I’ve taken off > work to > > be home with a sick kid on "his" days. > > I won’t give my kids the message they can’t come home, especially when > they are > > hurting/sick. > Agreed, nor would many parents, but Amy does have a point.  My ex is > certainly much more interested in the practicalities since he’s the only > parent when they are at his house and has to deal with any and all issues.

But the thing is, is the guy who’s stupid enough to let him get second or third degree sunburn going to make sure he gets aloe, water, etc? Or is he just going to tell the kid to "suck it up and be a man" and let that burn get infected? Anne

Response:

"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020705001619.14316.00001576@mb-mn.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >> Florida. We must have been minutes from you!  We stayed at the Wilderness > >> Lodge, right across from the MK! > >You have no idea how close you were!!!  In fact, we went to the movies > >tonight next to Planet Hollywood near Pleasure Island (Downtown Disney)!! > >Not within walking distance, but you could bike it! > We went to Downtown Disney twice on our trip (the kids really enjoyed > DisneyQuest!).  We had a great dinner at the Portabella Yacht Club one night. > The next time we visited Planet Hollywood, which, I have to say, was a bit > disappointing. > I went wild at Pooh’s Corner.  Pooh and company are my favorite characters. > Then we went to see La Nouba at Cirque du Soleil.  I loved it! > Sheila

It sounds like you did the Disney Vacation Right!!  I still haven’t seen La Nouba, I think we’re gonna go for my birthday next month.  My son’s Godfather works for Disney and takes DS from time to time. I read your post about your ex, and I have to say that it sounds like you’re talking about mine.  Like I said before, I’m just fortunate that his parents have a little more sense.  Fortunately he does show his soft side from time to time. But to be honest, he sees DS to infrequently that their only relationship is friendship.  (We separated when DS was 8 months old)  Ex has learned that the notes I leave are for his benefit and not telling him what to do…but it took 6 years to get to that point….sigh….. Well I’m sorry I didn’t come out of Lurkdom until now. We could have met for dinner or something!  Glad to hear you had a great time! *brianne

Response:

My ex had the kids yesterday.  We have them for the 4th of July.  We had plans to take them to see Men In Black 2, have a cookout, and go to see some fireworks. The ex delivers the kids (an hour late), and SS12 walks in tentatively.  Seems he went to the waterpark yesterday, and the kid is roasted.  Again.  For the 10th time in the last couple of years.   When I talk to him about it, he says, "well, I put the sunscreen on him every couple of hours like it says."  I say, "well, you aren’t putting it on often enough for *him*, so put it on more often".   The kid is roasted. He can barely move.  Once again, his risk of skin cancer is increased.  And, our plans are toast.  He can’t leave his shirt on.  He can’t sit in a regular chair.  Certainly, we can’t go to the movies.  Maybe he’ll feel up to the fireworks where he can lay down.   GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!  WHY DOES HE DO THIS SHIT?????? DOESN’T HE CARE THAT HIS KID IS IN PAIN?????  DOESN’T HE CARE THAT HE’S PROMOTING SKIN CANCER????? AND, OF COURSE HE DOESN’T CARE THAT HE RUINED OUR DAY, BUT DAMNIT, I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Sheila

Response:

In a previous article, whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) said: <The ex delivers the kids (an hour late), and SS12 walks in tentatively.  Seems <he went to the waterpark yesterday, and the kid is roasted.  Again.  For the <10th time in the last couple of years.   < <When I talk to him about it, he says, "well, I put the sunscreen on him every <couple of hours like it says."  I say, "well, you aren’t putting it on often <enough for *him*, so put it on more often".   The only solution I see for this is for your SS to take control of his sunscreen application.  I know it’s hard for a kid to keep track, but he’s 12 (which is not a little kid), and he must hate being burned even more than you do.  I think he’s going to have to watch the clock and remind dad every hour or 45 minutes "Would you do my back?" and hand him the bottle. I’m so sorry, Sheila, for your SS and for the whole family. Look at it this way, the theater will be jammed with people today.  In a couple of days the crowds will be less and you won’t have to fight the hoards. In the meantime, get some aloe vera gel. Vicki — Family and Divorce Mediation Resources http://xcski.com/~mediator/

Response:

"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704122446.11380.00001635@mb-cq.aol.com… > When I talk to him about it, he says, "well, I put the sunscreen on him every > couple of hours like it says."  I say, "well, you aren’t putting it on often > enough for *him*, so put it on more often".

If it’s any consolation, which it won’t be, my husband is easily as stupid as this with our kids. If your son is 12, could he just bring sunscreen with him to his Dad’s? If his father really isn’t going to take care of it, and you really can’t do anything about that, then the kid’s going to have to take a grown-up step a little early. It’s really not an option to just keep letting him burn to a crisp! It’s a shame about your plans. God it makes me so furious when BM pulls stuff like this. I just want to grab her and beat her up and ask, "How far will you go to screw up my plans anyway?" Did your ex do it on purpose, or is he just really dense about kids? Anne

Response:

On 04 Jul 2002 16:24:46 GMT, whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) wrote: >My ex had the kids yesterday.  We have them for the 4th of July.  We had plans >to take them to see Men In Black 2, have a cookout, and go to see some >fireworks. >The ex delivers the kids (an hour late), and SS12 walks in tentatively.  Seems >he went to the waterpark yesterday, and the kid is roasted.  Again.  For the >10th time in the last couple of years.   >When I talk to him about it, he says, "well, I put the sunscreen on him every >couple of hours like it says."  I say, "well, you aren’t putting it on often >enough for *him*, so put it on more often".  

OK, we have a houseful of forgetful folks, so here’s what we do.  If you can get your son to go along with this, it will help. First – Have him wear a t-shirt when he’s out in the sun.  Always. Especially around water.  That will help keep him from getting burned on his torso. Second – Lots of sunscreen on his face, ears, neck and arms. Third – Have him wear a hat.  Always.  That will help keep the sun off his face, ears, and neck.  Or at least his face, if he’s wearing a baseball cap.  (Chewy wears his cowboy hat, even when the scouts went to the water park.) Fourth – Have him keep his own tube of sunscreen with him at all times so he can apply often and liberally. Also, Chewy suggests having the ex talk to a doctor abt sunburn and the risk of skin cancer. Kitten =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= You can always tell a Texan, but you can’t tell him much.  - Chris Wall =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Courage, Real courage, is no quick fix.  It doesn’t come in a bottle or a pill, It comes from discipline.  From taking everything life hands you and being your best either because of it or in spite of it. — Ty Murray =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Response:

On Thu, 04 Jul 2002 18:21:26 GMT, kit…@whitepine.com (Caitriona Mac Fhiodhbhuidhe) wrote:

<snipped> – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->OK, we have a houseful of forgetful folks, so here’s what we do.  If >you can get your son to go along with this, it will help. >First – Have him wear a t-shirt when he’s out in the sun.  Always. >Especially around water.  That will help keep him from getting burned >on his torso. >Second – Lots of sunscreen on his face, ears, neck and arms. >Third – Have him wear a hat.  Always.  That will help keep the sun off >his face, ears, and neck.  Or at least his face, if he’s wearing a >baseball cap.  (Chewy wears his cowboy hat, even when the scouts went >to the water park.) >Fourth – Have him keep his own tube of sunscreen with him at all times >so he can apply often and liberally.

More from Chewy (why couldn’t he have told me this *before* I hit send?): Make sure your sun drinks lots of water. Sunburn can lead to hypothermia, especially during water activities. Teach your son to notice if he’s starting to burn.  He should get out of the water as soon as he notices.  When sunburned, the capillaries in the skin open up to cool the body off.  If you are in water (especially cool water), this will cause you to become hypothermic. Sunburn is the leading cause of hypothermia on raft trips on the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. Kitten =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= You can always tell a Texan, but you can’t tell him much.  - Chris Wall =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Courage, Real courage, is no quick fix.  It doesn’t come in a bottle or a pill, It comes from discipline.  From taking everything life hands you and being your best either because of it or in spite of it. — Ty Murray =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Response:

"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704122446.11380.00001635@mb-cq.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My ex had the kids yesterday.  We have them for the 4th of July.  We had plans > to take them to see Men In Black 2, have a cookout, and go to see some > fireworks. > The ex delivers the kids (an hour late), and SS12 walks in tentatively. Seems > he went to the waterpark yesterday, and the kid is roasted.  Again.  For the > 10th time in the last couple of years. > When I talk to him about it, he says, "well, I put the sunscreen on him every > couple of hours like it says."  I say, "well, you aren’t putting it on often > enough for *him*, so put it on more often". > The kid is roasted. He can barely move.  Once again, his risk of skin cancer is > increased.  And, our plans are toast.  He can’t leave his shirt on.  He can’t > sit in a regular chair.  Certainly, we can’t go to the movies.  Maybe he’ll > feel up to the fireworks where he can lay down. > GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!  WHY DOES HE DO THIS SHIT?????? > DOESN’T HE CARE THAT HIS KID IS IN PAIN?????  DOESN’T HE CARE THAT HE’S > PROMOTING SKIN CANCER????? AND, OF COURSE HE DOESN’T CARE THAT HE RUINED OUR > DAY, BUT DAMNIT, I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > gggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr > rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr > Sheila

Sheila, I know I’m new here, but I totally can sympathize with your situation.  My ex comes from the "I’m not all that bright" department as well. Suggestion for the sunburn.  Aloe.  As much Aloe as you can possibly muster onto that poor child.  Also, let him soak in a cool bath for awhile.  For tonight I recommend noxema face cream.  An old tried and true emergency sunburn pain reliever.  I grew up across from the beach on the east coast of Florida and I used to get FRIED on a regular basis.  Noxema was my Gma’s remedy so us sunburned grandchildren could go out to dinner with her. The best Sunscreen is Bullfrog.  they have some that are literally 8 hours. And don’t wash off. Big hugs!! *bri

Response:

>The only solution I see for this is for your SS to take control of his >sunscreen application.  I know it’s hard for a kid to keep track, but >he’s 12 (which is not a little kid), and he must hate being burned >even more than you do.  I think he’s going to have to watch the clock >and remind dad every hour or 45 minutes "Would you do my back?" and >hand him the bottle.

You are right.  I talked to him about that.  He said, "but, I lose track of time", but then admitted it was probably the best solution. That, and wearing a shirt. >In the meantime, get some aloe vera gel.

Got that done right after he walked in the door.   Sheila – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Vicki >– >Family and Divorce Mediation Resources >http://xcski.com/~mediator/

Response:

>Did your ex do it on purpose, or is he just really dense about kids? >Anne

He’s just dense, I think.  Thoughtless.  I really don’t think that he means Thomas to hurt. Although,  I also know, from living with him, that he sees sunscreen as rather "sissy".  "Real men" get burned, suffer through it, and then tan.  His skin isn’t as fair as Thomas’s though.  I dunno… maybe a combination of the two. Sheila

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->More from Chewy (why couldn’t he have told me this *before* I hit >send?): >Make sure your sun drinks lots of water. >Sunburn can lead to hypothermia, especially during water activities. >Teach your son to notice if he’s starting to burn.  He should get out >of the water as soon as he notices.  When sunburned, the capillaries >in the skin open up to cool the body off.  If you are in water >(especially cool water), this will cause you to become hypothermic. >Sunburn is the leading cause of hypothermia on raft trips on the >Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. >Kitten >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >You can always tell a Texan, but you can’t tell him much.  - Chris Wall >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= >Courage, Real courage, is no quick fix.  It doesn’t come in a bottle >or a pill, It comes from discipline.  From taking everything life >hands you and being your best either because of it or in spite of it. >– Ty Murray >=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Thanks for the info, Kitten. Sheila

Response:

Bri writes: >Suggestion for the sunburn.  Aloe.  As much Aloe as you can possibly muster >onto that poor child.  Also, let him soak in a cool bath for awhile.  For >tonight I recommend noxema face cream.  An old tried and true emergency >sunburn pain reliever.  I grew up across from the beach on the east coast of >Florida and I used to get FRIED on a regular basis.  Noxema was my Gma’s >remedy so us sunburned grandchildren could go out to dinner with her.

Thanks, Bri.  The aloe has helped a lot.  I’ve also given him some tylenol.   Now that I’ve calmed down a bit, I remember that I should actually be grateful: the kid isn’t nearly as burned as he has been at times in the past.  I can remember two other occasions when he was returned with third degree burns (huge blisters all across his face and shoulders) that scabbed over.  :-(  This one is at least a second degree.   I have to shake my head though.  On Saturday, we returned from an 8 day visit to DisneyWorld, including one day at a waterpark.  Now, I know that some of the days it rained in the afternoon, but, still…. we managed to get the kid back unscathed.  Why can he not manage this? Sheila

Response:

"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message > He’s just dense, I think.  Thoughtless.  I really don’t think that he means > Thomas to hurt. > Although,  I also know, from living with him, that he sees sunscreen as rather > "sissy".  "Real men" get burned, suffer through it, and then tan.  His skin > isn’t as fair as Thomas’s though.  I dunno… maybe a combination of the

two. How often does he see the children, Sheila?  I’ve forgotten, I’m afraid.  If it’s infrequently, then it may be that he’s not in "parent" mode often enough for it to come naturally.  It’s easy to forget about things if you don’t think about them for yourself, or as a parental habit. I’m a red head and burn really easily, though I do tan eventually.  I grew up on Lake Ontario on an island, so summers we were in the water or on the beach from dawn til dusk. Sunblock wasn’t really something people did much in the 60s, either.   My parents had a rule about an hour in the sun and an hour in the shade.  We always had to have sun hats and a shirt, despite being naturists. These days I wear the highest factor sunblock I can find and have a rule about gradually increased doses of sun, well when I’m anywhere near the sun that is.  I wear sunblock even when I’m just going out and about in town.  I insist that my children wear it as a matter of course in the summer too, especially on faces.  If we go to the beach, it has to be reapplied every time you come out of the water. Could his sister help to remind him? Wendy

Response:

"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704155731.27207.00001882@mb-cr.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Bri writes: > >Suggestion for the sunburn.  Aloe.  As much Aloe as you can possibly muster > >onto that poor child.  Also, let him soak in a cool bath for awhile.  For > >tonight I recommend noxema face cream.  An old tried and true emergency > >sunburn pain reliever.  I grew up across from the beach on the east coast of > >Florida and I used to get FRIED on a regular basis.  Noxema was my Gma’s > >remedy so us sunburned grandchildren could go out to dinner with her. > Thanks, Bri.  The aloe has helped a lot.  I’ve also given him some tylenol. > Now that I’ve calmed down a bit, I remember that I should actually be grateful: > the kid isn’t nearly as burned as he has been at times in the past.  I can > remember two other occasions when he was returned with third degree burns (huge > blisters all across his face and shoulders) that scabbed over.  :-(  This one > is at least a second degree. > I have to shake my head though.  On Saturday, we returned from an 8 day visit > to DisneyWorld, including one day at a waterpark.  Now, I know that some of the > days it rained in the afternoon, but, still…. we managed to get the kid back > unscathed.  Why can he not manage this? > Sheila

Disney World Florida? or California? Let’s just say that I can see the Disney Fireworks every night from where I live in Florida……hence the question! Sometimes I think my ex just HAS to be so different than me when he has my son that he deliberately quits using common sense.  Thankfully in my case my ex MIL still talks with me and does a good job keeping everything in "check" so to speak.  (My ex is in the military and is stationed in Alaska so when he comes to Florida he stays at his parents house….his parents see my son more than he does). Hope he feels better soon!  The Aloe will also help him not peel horribly bad. next time tell him to remember to NEVER put sunscreen on him! (That way you can guarantee he WILL and will remember to reapply it often!!  hehe) *Bri

Response:

>How often does he see the children, Sheila?  I’ve forgotten, I’m afraid.  If >it’s infrequently, then it may be that he’s not in "parent" mode often >enough for it to come naturally.  It’s easy to forget about things if you >don’t think about them for yourself, or as a parental habit.

Hi Wendy!  Glad to see you back! He has them about 40% of the time, so it isn’t that so much as (in my opinion) our perspectives on what are/should be priorities in parenting are different.   The ex *DOES* a lot with the kids.  They are always going.  He gives them many, many new experiences. AAMOF, DS often comes to me asking if we can deliberately not schedule anything on our weekends, so that he has time to rest.  Because the ex is a sensation seeker, he doesn’t always look (as least IMO) at all of the precautions that can be taken; his mind is on the experience, and he doesn’t want to take the time for all of those other things. As I said in another post, I also think there is a degree of his desire to "toughen the kids up".  As he tells it, as a child, he was afraid to do anything.  As a adult, he made the decision not to be that way. He doesn’t want the children to grow up timid, so he encourages them to do some things that I wouldn’t do.   For instance, I wrote about "courage climbing" once.  When the kids were 3 and 4, he put a ladder up to the house, and over a matter of weeks encouraged them to climb to the roof.  He taught them how to make a fire in the fireplace when they were 6 and 7. Overall, I have to abide by the idea that he gets to parent as he wished. Sometimes things bother me enough that I say something, which inevitably ends up with him telling me he doesn’t want them to grow up to be timid (like me, he says).  For instance, for the first few years after we moved back to this area, he would routinely take them swimming in the Potomac River.  Now, the Potomac is closed to swimmers, but people do it frequently, as evidenced by the dozen or so drownings each year.  I asked him not to take the kids, for the reasons that I thought it wasn’t safe, and because there are signs up all over the place saying "NO SWIMMING", and I didn’t want them to break the law, and come to believe that law didn’t apply to them.  No matter, he did it anyway. (BTW, he hasn’t taken them in a couple of years… not since DD was swept up by a current and he had to pull her out.  :-((((() I guess what I am saying is that I’m sure the ex would see sunscreening, or wearing a shirt, or things like that as being wimpy.  He’s willing to do it minimally, because he really doesn’t want to see DS in pain, but if it comes down to doing if often, or having DS be "uncomfortable" for a few days, well, he’d make a different choice than I would. Sheila – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I’m a red head and burn really easily, though I do tan eventually.  I grew >up on Lake Ontario on an island, so summers we were in the water or on the >beach from dawn til dusk. Sunblock wasn’t really something people did much >in the 60s, either.   My parents had a rule about an hour in the sun and an >hour in the shade.  We always had to have sun hats and a shirt, despite >being naturists. >These days I wear the highest factor sunblock I can find and have a rule >about gradually increased doses of sun, well when I’m anywhere near the sun >that is.  I wear sunblock even when I’m just going out and about in town.  I >insist that my children wear it as a matter of course in the summer too, >especially on faces.  If we go to the beach, it has to be reapplied every >time you come out of the water. >Could his sister help to remind him? >Wendy

Response:

Bri writes: >Disney World Florida? or California? >Let’s just say that I can see the Disney Fireworks every night from where I >live in Florida……hence the question!

Florida. We must have been minutes from you!  We stayed at the Wilderness Lodge, right across from the MK! >Sometimes I think my ex just HAS to be so different than me when he has my >son that he deliberately quits using common sense.  Thankfully in my case my >ex MIL still talks with me and does a good job keeping everything in "check" >so to speak.  (My ex is in the military and is stationed in Alaska so when >he comes to Florida he stays at his parents house….his parents see my son >more than he does).

Sounds like a similar dynamic as my ex and I.  Be sure to read the post I just sent.  :-) Sheila

Response:

On 04 Jul 2002 21:00:10 GMT, whans…@aol.com (WhansaMi) wrote: >Bri writes: >>Disney World Florida? or California? >>Let’s just say that I can see the Disney Fireworks every night from where I >>live in Florida……hence the question! >Florida.

The one in CA is DisneyLand, BTW. Kitten =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= You can always tell a Texan, but you can’t tell him much.  - Chris Wall =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Courage, Real courage, is no quick fix.  It doesn’t come in a bottle or a pill, It comes from discipline.  From taking everything life hands you and being your best either because of it or in spite of it. — Ty Murray =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Response:

WhansaMi <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704122446.11380.00001635@mb-cq.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My ex had the kids yesterday.  We have them for the 4th of July.  We had plans > to take them to see Men In Black 2, have a cookout, and go to see some > fireworks. > The ex delivers the kids (an hour late), and SS12 walks in tentatively. Seems > he went to the waterpark yesterday, and the kid is roasted.  Again.  For the > 10th time in the last couple of years. > When I talk to him about it, he says, "well, I put the sunscreen on him every > couple of hours like it says."  I say, "well, you aren’t putting it on often > enough for *him*, so put it on more often". > The kid is roasted. He can barely move.  Once again, his risk of skin cancer is > increased.  And, our plans are toast.  He can’t leave his shirt on.  He can’t > sit in a regular chair.  Certainly, we can’t go to the movies.  Maybe he’ll > feel up to the fireworks where he can lay down. > GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!  WHY DOES HE DO THIS SHIT?????? > DOESN’T HE CARE THAT HIS KID IS IN PAIN?????  DOESN’T HE CARE THAT HE’S > PROMOTING SKIN CANCER????? AND, OF COURSE HE DOESN’T CARE THAT HE RUINED OUR > DAY, BUT DAMNIT, I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adults need to face the consequences of their actions just like kids do. It might help if your ex had to deal with the after effects of a day in the sun instead of you. Is there any way you could have refused to take your son back for a couple of days so ex would have to deal with the sunburn? If ex never actually sees the after effects he wont learn the value of sun protection. Amy

Response:

>Adults need to face the consequences of their actions just like kids do. It >might help if your ex had to deal with the after effects of a day in the sun >instead of you. Is there any way you could have refused to take your son >back for a couple of days so ex would have to deal with the sunburn? If ex >never actually sees the after effects he wont learn the value of sun >protection. >Amy

Amy, while I appreciate the sentiment of having people take responsibility, I could never refuse to take my children, for any reason.  I have cancelled activities because my ex has changed visitation times.  I’ve taken off work to be home with a sick kid on "his" days.   I won’t give my kids the message they can’t come home, especially when they are hurting/sick. Sheila

Response:

WhansaMi <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704221727.26843.00001085@mb-cv.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >Adults need to face the consequences of their actions just like kids do. It > >might help if your ex had to deal with the after effects of a day in the sun > >instead of you. Is there any way you could have refused to take your son > >back for a couple of days so ex would have to deal with the sunburn? If ex > >never actually sees the after effects he wont learn the value of sun > >protection. > >Amy > Amy, while I appreciate the sentiment of having people take responsibility, I > could never refuse to take my children, for any reason.  I have cancelled > activities because my ex has changed visitation times.  I’ve taken off work to > be home with a sick kid on "his" days. > I won’t give my kids the message they can’t come home, especially when they are > hurting/sick.

Yep, I wouldn’t be able to do it either. Maybe you could take photoes of the sunburn and post them to the ex? LOL That probably wouldnt even make an impact. Oh well, you certainly have my sympathies. Amy

Response:

"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704170010.27207.00001892@mb-cr.aol.com… > Bri writes: > Florida. We must have been minutes from you!  We stayed at the Wilderness > Lodge, right across from the MK!

You have no idea how close you were!!!  In fact, we went to the movies tonight next to Planet Hollywood near Pleasure Island (Downtown Disney)!! Not within walking distance, but you could bike it! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >Sometimes I think my ex just HAS to be so different than me when he has my > >son that he deliberately quits using common sense.  Thankfully in my case my > >ex MIL still talks with me and does a good job keeping everything in "check" > >so to speak.  (My ex is in the military and is stationed in Alaska so when > >he comes to Florida he stays at his parents house….his parents see my son > >more than he does). > Sounds like a similar dynamic as my ex and I.  Be sure to read the post I just > sent.  :-)

Looking for post now…. Hope you had a wonderful time!  Sorry for all the rain!  I know it’s been POURING here everyday since I got home in June.  Great for the water table….Horrible for the tourism. Happy Fourth!! > Sheila

*bri

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>> Florida. We must have been minutes from you!  We stayed at the Wilderness >> Lodge, right across from the MK! >You have no idea how close you were!!!  In fact, we went to the movies >tonight next to Planet Hollywood near Pleasure Island (Downtown Disney)!! >Not within walking distance, but you could bike it!

We went to Downtown Disney twice on our trip (the kids really enjoyed DisneyQuest!).  We had a great dinner at the Portabella Yacht Club one night. The next time we visited Planet Hollywood, which, I have to say, was a bit disappointing. I went wild at Pooh’s Corner.  Pooh and company are my favorite characters. Then we went to see La Nouba at Cirque du Soleil.  I loved it! Sheila

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WhansaMi wrote: > My ex had the kids yesterday.  We have them for the 4th of July.  We had plans > to take them to see Men In Black 2, have a cookout, and go to see some > fireworks.

Hey, did you like MIB2?  I’m seriously worried…I was *so* looking forward to it, but it’s gotten lousy reviews, and I’m annoyed by the fact that the movie is all of 82 minutes long (that’s, like, as long as it takes me to get up to pee twice during the flick, lol). > When I talk to him about it, he says, "well, I put the sunscreen on him every > couple of hours like it says."  I say, "well, you aren’t putting it on often > enough for *him*, so put it on more often". > The kid is roasted. He can barely move.  Once again, his risk of skin cancer is > increased.  And, our plans are toast.  He can’t leave his shirt on.  He can’t > sit in a regular chair.  Certainly, we can’t go to the movies.  Maybe he’ll > feel up to the fireworks where he can lay down.

Everyone else has already said all the good stuff <g>, so all I can say is your ex is a STUPID SENSELESS BASTARD!  ;-D  Does that make you feel better?  I sort of know where he’s coming from with the whole "wanting your kids not to be timid," but he should never be endangering their health!  I’m thinking about that statistic that says how the majority of skin damage from the sun takes place in a child’s first, what is it, 18 years or so? I would like to say at this point that I, an eminently sensible and typically law-abiding woman, held my 4-year-old daughter’s hand this evening as we ran from the police.  ROFLMAO… Yes, that’s right.  We live in Maryland, where fireworks are illegal.  My brother’s GF bought fireworks from Virginia, and we went to set them off (mostly sparklers).  We’d left his back yard and moved to a parking lot area, and a cop was walking around back there.  The bunch of us took off through a hole in the hedge, my 4yo and I last in the bunch, as she clutched her little stuffed animal and went on the lam. Later (much later, lol), just my older DD and I were left with my brother and his GF, and the 4 of us set off the couple of extra fireworks.  DD kept asking me why we ran from the police, and I made up some fantastical story (i.e., I lied) about how the police don’t like people setting off fireworks at certain times of the day. Okay, so that’s my poor parenting story of the day, but man, what a story that will make when 4yo is older!!!  :-D Jennifer

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"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704221727.26843.00001085@mb-cv.aol.com… > Amy, while I appreciate the sentiment of having people take responsibility, I > could never refuse to take my children, for any reason.  I have cancelled > activities because my ex has changed visitation times.  I’ve taken off work to > be home with a sick kid on "his" days. > I won’t give my kids the message they can’t come home, especially when they are > hurting/sick.

Agreed, nor would many parents, but Amy does have a point.  My ex is certainly much more interested in the practicalities since he’s the only parent when they are at his house and has to deal with any and all issues. Wendy

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"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:20020704165717.27207.00001891@mb-cr.aol.com… > Hi Wendy!  Glad to see you back!

Thanks Sheila.  I don’t know how long I’ll manage to post.  Still hate OE, still haven’t found the time to install Linux on a partition, plus the computer is in YD’s room so I can only use it when she isn’t (temporary arrangement while we are building). > He has them about 40% of the time, so it isn’t that so much as (in my opinion) > our perspectives on what are/should be priorities in parenting are

different. Fair enough. > Overall, I have to abide by the idea that he gets to parent as he wished.

Well, in some ways that’s really good.  They’ll get to pick out the bits they value from two different perspectives.  You’ll have to watch that you don’t become the opposite extreme to give balance.  I know that I’m much less protective than my ex in some ways to counterbalance his extreme over protectiveness with YD. > Sometimes things bother me enough that I say something, which inevitably ends > up with him telling me he doesn’t want them to grow up to be timid (like me, he > says).

Okay, but with the the sun issue, I’d write or talk to him, gently, and use the analogy that you wouldn’t go sailing without lifejackets on board, or skiing without warm clothes on, or scuba diving without learning to avoid the bends, and thats what going in the sun without sunblock is like. It also sounds like your children don’t want to say "no" to him, or to tell him they are tired.  It may be he doesn’t afford them the opportunity to opt out.  It may be that he’s not really listening to them and their needs, but is doing all this for himself and taking the children along for the ride, rather than it being about what is for them. > I guess what I am saying is that I’m sure the ex would see sunscreening, or > wearing a shirt, or things like that as being wimpy.  He’s willing to do it > minimally, because he really doesn’t want to see DS in pain, but if it comes > down to doing if often, or having DS be "uncomfortable" for a few days, well, > he’d make a different choice than I would.

Ask him if it is wimpy to keep your ears when the temperature is -40, or some other similar analogy which would be meaningful to him. Wendy

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