Talk Cancer

Question:

hey, i guess this should have a small spoiler for talk of d*ath…..not at all graphic but no splats below 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 i think i wrote here in june that i thought my dad was dying.  after 10 years of misdiagnosing him, they finally got it right……leukemia.  in the middle of july, the first dose of chemo killed him.  he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in Mississippi on his father’s grave and his mother’s gravesite.  so that is what my sister, his wife and i flew there this weekend to do. what i learned this weekend is that i thought i had a relationship with my dad but i didn’t.  what a painful realization.  i also learned that my sister is rather shallow and selfish when it comes right down to it. that hurt too. and the week before i left, i found out my mom is moving to germany for at least three years.  it is nearly impossible to not feel as if i have just lost both parents. i am floundering. anyway, i guess i just needed to let off a little bit of this so that i can better stuff the rest of it away inside where it belongs.  this has been a very difficult summer. domino

Response:

hi there.  i sympathize with much of what u wrote.  lots of gr*if and l0ss issues here this summer, too. good to see you, tho.  :)  i like you.  glad u wrote. sorry things are so rough right now.  *helpful thoughts* let me know if u need a shoulder to cry on, k?  ;) jt (previously "dyenths")

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey, i guess this should have a small spoiler for talk of d*ath…..not at all graphic but no splats below 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 i think i wrote here in june that i thought my dad was dying.  after 10 years of misdiagnosing him, they finally got it

right……leukemia.  in – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – the middle of july, the first dose of chemo killed him. he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in Mississippi on his father’s grave and his mother’s gravesite.  so that is what my sister, his wife and i flew there this weekend to do. what i learned this weekend is that i thought i had a relationship with my dad but i didn’t.  what a painful realization.  i also learned that my sister is rather shallow and selfish when it comes right down to it. that hurt too. and the week before i left, i found out my mom is moving to germany for at least three years.  it is nearly impossible to not feel as if i have just lost both parents. i am floundering. anyway, i guess i just needed to let off a little bit of this so that i can better stuff the rest of it away inside where it belongs.  this has been a very difficult summer. domino

Response:

Dear domino – From what I read, it feels like you have had three losses all at once – once again the loss of your fthr (and loss of all the dreams and hopes, illusions); and then the loss of your sstr (as a potential friend w/whom to share some of the realities you grew up in); and then your mthr (as she moves so far away, she feels unreachably gone).   I am sorry you were hit with all three at once.  Big transitional moments in family lives tend to do that sometimes – kind of shake up everything, or unmask stuff (sometimes not – sometimes the masks stay most firmly in place).  I’m sorry.  The news of your mthr’s move sounds as if it came as a shock.  I wonder why she picked that time to tell you?  Why is she going? Would you be able to or want to visit? Lots of blather from a caring – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey, i guess this should have a small spoiler for talk of d*ath…..not at all graphic but no splats below 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 i think i wrote here in june that i thought my dad was dying.  after 10 years of misdiagnosing him, they finally got it right……leukemia.  in the middle of july, the first dose of chemo killed him.  he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in Mississippi on his father’s grave and his mother’s gravesite.  so that is what my sister, his wife and i flew there this weekend to do. what i learned this weekend is that i thought i had a relationship with my dad but i didn’t.  what a painful realization.  i also learned that my sister is rather shallow and selfish when it comes right down to it. that hurt too. and the week before i left, i found out my mom is moving to germany for at least three years.  it is nearly impossible to not feel as if i have just lost both parents. i am floundering. anyway, i guess i just needed to let off a little bit of this so that i can better stuff the rest of it away inside where it belongs.  this has been a very difficult summer. domino

Response:

Hello, domino and so sorry this has happened in your life. Understanding completely the feelings you are experiencing. Have had similar realizations in my life about people and who I thought they were and who they really were and it is sad, isn’t it. I found it shocking, almost, and still do when I think about it. And itis hard to keep understanding that it is them and not you. I know how hard that is. I’m sorry you are feeling these ways too. Sending carings to you, a whole big dumptruck full. when you hear the rumbling coming down the street, look out your window. if it is a huge truck full of carings, run to stand where it will dump them all over you. Carings are soft and gentle and won’t hurt a bit. they will only fall softly onto you and surround you with good and special feelings that you are cared deeply about. And that is the truth. Listen for the rumbling, domino, jane – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey, i guess this should have a small spoiler for talk of d*ath…..not at all graphic but no splats below 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 i think i wrote here in june that i thought my dad was dying.  after 10 years of misdiagnosing him, they finally got it right……leukemia.  in the middle of july, the first dose of chemo killed him.  he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in Mississippi on his father’s grave and his mother’s gravesite.  so that is what my sister, his wife and i flew there this weekend to do. what i learned this weekend is that i thought i had a relationship with my dad but i didn’t.  what a painful realization.  i also learned that my sister is rather shallow and selfish when it comes right down to it. that hurt too. and the week before i left, i found out my mom is moving to germany for at least three years.  it is nearly impossible to not feel as if i have just lost both parents. i am floundering. anyway, i guess i just needed to let off a little bit of this so that i can better stuff the rest of it away inside where it belongs.  this has been a very difficult summer. domino

Response:

wow, Domino. that’s a lot of stuff in such a short time. i’m sorry that your dad died, sorry that you didn’t have a relationship, and sorry that you found out this way. yeah, the stuff with your sister sounds difficult, although i’m guessing that you weren’t particularly close to her (?). anyway, i hope that relationship works out somehow, even if it’s just accepting each other for who you are and not having much contact. wow, your mom’s leaving, too? that’s a lot, lot, lot. that’s on top of an already f’d year.  :-P~~~  you’re in my thoughts. take care, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hey, i guess this should have a small spoiler for talk of d*ath…..not at all graphic but no splats below 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 i think i wrote here in june that i thought my dad was dying.  after 10 years of misdiagnosing him, they finally got it right……leukemia.  in the middle of july, the first dose of chemo killed him.  he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in Mississippi on his father’s grave and his mother’s gravesite.  so that is what my sister, his wife and i flew there this weekend to do. what i learned this weekend is that i thought i had a relationship with my dad but i didn’t.  what a painful realization.  i also learned that my sister is rather shallow and selfish when it comes right down to it. that hurt too. and the week before i left, i found out my mom is moving to germany for at least three years.  it is nearly impossible to not feel as if i have just lost both parents. i am floundering. anyway, i guess i just needed to let off a little bit of this so that i can better stuff the rest of it away inside where it belongs.  this has been a very difficult summer. domino

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