Talk Cancer

Question:

I think that what your mom has been doing is all that she can do.  She is showering your aunt with attention and tryiing to rally her spirits. What I think is the real problem is trying to help your mother deal with her guilt and feelings of inadequacies (can’t spell sorry) at not being able to make everything ok for her sister. You can only do so much for people.  If they choose to die there is not much that anyone can do for them except EXACTLY what your mom is trying to do. You have to try and get your mom to realize that she is not responsible for what her sister is going through and even if she WAS there with her it might not change the situation either.  When people give up they tend to give up. What your aunt is doing is basically another form of suicide and we are constantly talking here on this newsgroup about the devastation that suicide brings to families.  Your aunt is doing the same thing only taking longer. Sorry if that sounds nasty, your aunt isn’t a bad person, just ill. So put your main support in helping mom out of this in any way you can.  Let her know she is doing a great job at helping her sister and doing the very best that anyone can do with the situation as it stands. Take care. Becky "I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild; when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and moody. And in all its moods, I see myself."      -Martin Buxbaum

Response:

My mother’s sister is dealing with leukemia in Germany.  Evidently everything on the medical end is apparently going well, a bone marrow transplant from her brother was successfull, general remission (as far as we know, what the doc’s tell Manny, what he tells us)   But. Inga is just letting go, the emotional lights are growing dim faster than the docs say the physical stuff is getting better.   Mom gets off the phone in tears. Two questions. Does anyone know what sort of emotional support is usually offered in Germany?  While there is usually some kind of group therapy here (again, AFAIK) but there, the patients are squestered in regional specialty hospitals, away from kids etc.   What kind of support can my mother offer from the significant distance, west coast to the continent, so basically over the phone, gifts and letters?

Response: