Talk Cancer

Question:

Hello again all. I spent the day with a funeral pre-planner and then on the phone with an attorney. I have now made plans for my father’s funeral and also, am trying to cover the legal aspects, and everything so far is turning out great. I am glad I took the advice of someone in the newsgroup to do this stuff now, while I am still thinking rationally. It WILL help, I am sure of that now. I also went to see my dad today. He is doing ok…it’s so hard to see him looking so good! I mean, I WANT him looking and feeling good…but it makes it that much harder to accept the fact that inside, he’s dying each and every moment….you’d never know that by looking or listening to him. He had a visitor today at the hospital, and he told them that he was "on his deathbed" and they said oh, Frank, don’t say that…they didn’t realize that he was SERIOUS…this situation is harder on people than I realized. It’s hard on friends and even mere acquaintences too. But, I again talked to my father a little about his impending death, and although he doesn’t officially know that his death will probably be very soon, with each visit, I am more convinced that he DOES indeed "know". And I truly believe that he is accepting that. I told him today that my son wants to come and see him. I told him that my son is still a child and just doesn’t understand (even at age 15) that this IS the real thing, etc….and I told my father that my son is still upset by all of this…and that if it would be easier on my dad NOT to bring the kids, then I won’t do that…and he said "No, don’t bring them". So, that is that. I will follow his wishes. And this was actually the first time that HE acknowledged that he doesn’t want to see them now. But, it’s ok. I know it’s hard on my son, but he needs to understand that this is about PAPAP…my son has YEARS to deal with all of this…my dad has mere weeks, if that. Anyway, they had started my dad on something called Hydrea (a mild form of chemo pills) when they first diagnosed him, thinking that his type of leukemia might be chronic, therefore allowing him to be treated. They stopped the drug when they realized that his type is acute and that there was nothing to be done. The other day, they also stopped all needle sticks..his platelets are very low, and they were worried about bleeding…not to mention the fact that his blood counts at this point don’t really matter. But, today…they started the Hydrea treatment again, and came to draw his blood too, for a complete blood count. I have no clue what this means, and the nurses say that they don’t either. I don’t think that they made any type of wrong diagnoses…but this restarting of the Hydrea and the blood counts DOES make me wonder what is going on…the dr. has order the drug and the blood counts for 5 days…weird huh? Thanks all for listening, this is helping soooo much! And, thanks to everyone who is saying that I am such a great daughter…I know that I have done everything that I can to make him comfortable, etc…I feel that I have been a pretty good daughter to him. But at this time, in these circumstances, sometimes it’s hard to REMEMBER that….and it helps that people that dont’ really know me or him can see how much I care for him. I asked him, since he seemed to be in pretty good shape today, if he’d mind if I didn’t come back tonight…I haven’t been home much to clean or anything, and my house is atrocious. I asked him if it would be ok with him if I stayed home and cleaned the house and just came back in the morning. He said that was fine…and once again, said "Go home and relax baby…I’m ok" then he told the nurse that was in there "That’s my baby daughter" even tho I’m 34 yrs old and weigh almost as much as him…LOL. Anyway, that is the update for today. Talk more tomorrow..Bye all. Nancy

Response:

Nancy, sorry to hear what you are going through.  My mom died a while back. I also did all the arrangements prior to the actual death, which help quite a bit, it also gave me mother the piece of mind that it was done and paid for and when she was ready she could go in peace. Don’t know how your family would feel about this, but we all (grand kids and all) wrote letters of love and thanks and gave them to her shortly before her death.  Each one was given to her separately in each persons time.  The appreciation and love that showed in her eyes let each and everyone of us know she knew how much we loved her.  The letters where then displayed at the services and placed in the casket with her for burial. My mother was able to go in peace and we were at peace knowing that we told her thank you for all the many things she did and that we will always love her. Ruth – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello again all. I spent the day with a funeral pre-planner and then on the phone with an attorney. I have now made plans for my father’s funeral and also, am trying to cover the legal aspects, and everything so far is turning out great. I am glad I took the advice of someone in the newsgroup to do this stuff now, while I am still thinking rationally. It WILL help, I am sure of that now. I also went to see my dad today. He is doing ok…it’s so hard to see him looking so good! I mean, I WANT him looking and feeling good…but it makes it that much harder to accept the fact that inside, he’s dying each and every moment….you’d never know that by looking or listening to him. He had a visitor today at the hospital, and he told them that he was "on his deathbed" and they said oh, Frank, don’t say that…they didn’t realize that he was SERIOUS…this situation is harder on people than I realized. It’s hard on friends and even mere acquaintences too. But, I again talked to my father a little about his impending death, and although he doesn’t officially know that his death will probably be very soon, with each visit, I am more convinced that he DOES indeed "know". And I truly believe that he is accepting that. I told him today that my son wants to come and see him. I told him that my son is still a child and just doesn’t understand (even at age 15) that this IS the real thing, etc….and I told my father that my son is still upset by all of this…and that if it would be easier on my dad NOT to bring the kids, then I won’t do that…and he said "No, don’t bring them". So, that is that. I will follow his wishes. And this was actually the first time that HE acknowledged that he doesn’t want to see them now. But, it’s ok. I know it’s hard on my son, but he needs to understand that this is about PAPAP…my son has YEARS to deal with all of this…my dad has mere weeks, if that. Anyway, they had started my dad on something called Hydrea (a mild form of chemo pills) when they first diagnosed him, thinking that his type of leukemia might be chronic, therefore allowing him to be treated. They stopped the drug when they realized that his type is acute and that there was nothing to be done. The other day, they also stopped all needle sticks..his platelets are very low, and they were worried about bleeding…not to mention the fact that his blood counts at this point don’t really matter. But, today…they started the Hydrea treatment again, and came to draw his blood too, for a complete blood count. I have no clue what this means, and the nurses say that they don’t either. I don’t think that they made any type of wrong diagnoses…but this restarting of the Hydrea and the blood counts DOES make me wonder what is going on…the dr. has order the drug and the blood counts for 5 days…weird huh? Thanks all for listening, this is helping soooo much! And, thanks to everyone who is saying that I am such a great daughter…I know that I have done everything that I can to make him comfortable, etc…I feel that I have been a pretty good daughter to him. But at this time, in these circumstances, sometimes it’s hard to REMEMBER that….and it helps that people that dont’ really know me or him can see how much I care for him. I asked him, since he seemed to be in pretty good shape today, if he’d mind if I didn’t come back tonight…I haven’t been home much to clean or anything, and my house is atrocious. I asked him if it would be ok with him if I stayed home and cleaned the house and just came back in the morning. He said that was fine…and once again, said "Go home and relax baby…I’m ok" then he told the nurse that was in there "That’s my baby daughter" even tho I’m 34 yrs old and weigh almost as much as him…LOL. Anyway, that is the update for today. Talk more tomorrow..Bye all. Nancy

Response: