Talk Cancer

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ok gang, I need your input, i know…. it will be honest. I met someone, he is incredible, but i am scared as hell. I have been very honest in telling him as he is too. I was upfront in telling him I just want a friendship for now and companionship, but as time is passing I am falling. We have spaced out the time that we see each other and agreed to go slow, but you know when i hear his voice i get those butterflies in my stomach… sweaty hands…..lol Problem is…… i’m scared. I may have an up and coming surgery i found out today and he is willing to leave his company for a few days to take care of me. I have never had anyone be like this and it is hard to accept. Plus I don’t want to get so involved that i will be hurt again so your thoughts???? Erin

Response:

Hi Erin,     You are on the right track and do what feels comfortable to you.  You’re taking it nice and slow like you want to and that’s what’s important. Do what feels right to you.     BTW-hope everything turns out OK with your health.  Is this surgery something that requires someone to be with you for a couple days?  If so and you’re still not sure with this new beau, maybe stay at a friend or relatives for those few days. Jennifer

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ok gang, I need your input, i know…. it will be honest. I met someone, he is incredible, but i am scared as hell. I have been very honest in telling him as he is too. I was upfront in telling him I just want a friendship for now and companionship, but as time is passing I am falling. We have spaced out the time that we see each other and agreed to go slow, but you know when i hear his voice i get those butterflies in my stomach… sweaty hands…..lol Problem is…… i’m scared. I may have an up and coming surgery i found out today and he is willing to leave his company for a few days to take care of me. I have never had anyone be like this and it is hard to accept. Plus I don’t want to get so involved that i will be hurt again so your thoughts???? Erin

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ok gang, I need your input, i know…. it will be honest. I met someone, he is incredible, but i am scared as hell. I have been very honest in telling him as he is too. I was upfront in telling him I just want a friendship for now and companionship, but as time is passing I am falling. We have spaced out the time that we see each other and agreed to go slow, but you know when i hear his voice i get those butterflies in my stomach… sweaty hands…..lol Problem is…… i’m scared. I may have an up and coming surgery i found out today and he is willing to leave his company for a few days to take care of me. I have never had anyone be like this and it is hard to accept. Plus I don’t want to get so involved that i will be hurt again so your thoughts???? Erin

A lot depends on how long you’ve known the guy.  Butterflies eventually fly away.  It’s after that time that the true depth of the relationship is known. Infatuation is probably what you are experiencing right now, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t turn into true and meaningful love.  Don’t fall too hard here, gently float.

Response:

You should go for it. You never know. A good friend of mine had a terrible first marriage. A few years later he met a nice woman. After 3 months of dating her, he found out he had leukemia. He battled it on and off for 5 years. She stood by him through it all. Last week he died. She was there with him in the end.

Response:

Problem is…… i’m scared. I may have an up and coming surgery i found out today and he is willing to leave his company for a few days to take care of me. I have never had anyone be like this and it is hard to accept. Plus I don’t want to get so involved that i will be hurt again so your thoughts????

Hi, Erin… Take what I say with a grain of salt, but I would be careful about relying on him when you’re vulnerable because you’re having surgery. If you think you owe him something afterwards for taking care of you, it could confuse how you really feel about him. I think I would ask a female friend to help around the surgery issue… and keep the friendship with this man a little less dependent on your neediness at this time. Best Wishes MeToo

Response:

 I have this really bizarre way of getting involved.  I stay at a distance forever and ever, not trusting, cynical, testing, questioning.  Then one day *poof!* I decide I trust, and I give it 110% percent!

Wow, Janie… I never heard it put quite this clearly, but that’s my pattern too…… and the sudden desire to trust seems to arise out of my own neediness at that time……. I’ll know in my head that the person is not trustworthy, but suddenly overlook all the red flags, and dive in…… YIKES! Thanks for the insight…. MeToo

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ok gang, I need your input, i know…. it will be honest. I met someone, he is incredible, but i am scared as hell. I have been very honest in telling him as he is too. I was upfront in telling him I just want a friendship for now and companionship, but as time is passing I am falling. We have spaced out the time that we see each other and agreed to go slow, but you know when i hear his voice i get those butterflies in my stomach… sweaty hands…..lol Problem is…… i’m scared. I may have an up and coming surgery i found out today and he is willing to leave his company for a few days to take care of me. I have never had anyone be like this and it is hard to accept. Plus I don’t want to get so involved that i will be hurt again so your thoughts???? Erin

I respect the fact that you are scared, but ya know…. Sooner or later you are gonna hafta get back in the saddle! The question du jour is, are you ready???? Please realize that depending upon your past experiences, it is likely that you will feel scared even when you think you are ready for something more than friendship! Also please realize that this man can help you out and still be your friend! In fact you never know, you may not be made for each other – but he might tourn out to be one of those rare true friends that lasts a lifetime! I know it is hard to trust again, but I’m afraid you are going to have to. It is the only way to discover the truth behind someone’s intent. Yes, you risk great pain…. or great joy! In order to truly care for someone you have to let yourself be vulnerable – I know of no other way! How can someone see your heart if you keep it locked away??? Just remember that if these people let you down that it is likely more of a statement about them than it is about you! Anyone who would hurt you intentionally while you are open and vulnerable to them is likely NOT worth being with! So try this…. TRUST HIM! Just a little at first. Call it a trust advance! If her earns it, then advance him a little more trust. You are the one in full control of just how much you trust him, so keep an eye on it and let him win you over little by little. This protects bith you and him! Good Luck And I love your handle Erin! E-mail any time Lloyd Before you buy.

Response:

Ok gang, I need your input, i know…. it will be honest. I met someone, he is incredible, but i am scared as hell. I have been very honest in telling him as he is too. I was upfront in telling him I just want a friendship for now and companionship, but as time is passing I am falling. We have spaced out the time that we see each other and agreed to go slow, but you know when i hear his voice i get those butterflies in my stomach… sweaty hands…..lol Problem is…… i’m scared. I may have an up and coming surgery i found out today and he is willing to leave his company for a few days to take care of me. I have never had anyone be like this and it is hard to accept. Plus I don’t want to get so involved that i will be hurt again so your thoughts???? Erin

Response: