Awful :(

Categories: Cancer

Question:

I had a long talk with my abro last night. As some of you may recall, my adad passed away this past December after a long illness. My amom has recently "spilled the beans" as it were and it turns out that he wasn’t the best guy on the planet and TOTALLY unfaithful to my mom. As if this wasn’t bad enough, my abro told me last night that when he was about six, he was driving in the car with my adad, who turned to him and told him that he wasn’t a "real Pratt" (my maiden name) because he was "someone else’s kid". Can you fucking believe that?!? What an asshole. Sorry, just felt like venting — Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Robyn: I’m sorry to hear this news….yes, it is awful to tell a child of six something like that. Take care of yourself and talk to your abro; let him know you are there for him. Keep venting and expressing yourself; it’s good for the soul. One Adoptee – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I had a long talk with my abro last night. As some of you may recall, my adad passed away this past December after a long illness. My amom has recently "spilled the beans" as it were and it turns out that he wasn’t the best guy on the planet and TOTALLY unfaithful to my mom. As if this wasn’t bad enough, my abro told me last night that when he was about six, he was driving in the car with my adad, who turned to him and told him that he wasn’t a "real Pratt" (my maiden name) because he was "someone else’s kid". Can you fucking believe that?!? What an asshole. Sorry, just felt like venting — Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

So sorry to hear that Robyn. There are some lines adoptive parents can never cross, and IMO that is one of them. My kids might tell me (though none yet has) that I’m not their real mum but I would never tell them they weren’t, in every sense, my real son or daughter. My 14 year old son is going through an unbelievably tough period right now and in his pain and fury he is trying to hurt those who love him, so I am very familiar with those uncrossable lines Thinking of you, Julia

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Robyn: I’m sorry to hear this news….yes, it is awful to tell a child of six something like that. Take care of yourself and talk to your abro; let him know you are there for him. Keep venting and expressing yourself; it’s good for the soul. One Adoptee I had a long talk with my abro last night. As some of you may recall, my adad passed away this past December after a long illness. My amom has recently "spilled the beans" as it were and it turns out that he wasn’t the best guy on the planet and TOTALLY unfaithful to my mom. As if this wasn’t bad enough, my abro told me last night that when he was about six, he was driving in the car with my adad, who turned to him and told him that he wasn’t a "real Pratt" (my maiden name) because he was "someone else’s kid". Can you fucking believe that?!? What an asshole. Sorry, just felt like venting

I’m sorry too, Robyn. Ditto to what One Adoptee said. You and your abro take take care of each other. Rh. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Please add my "ditto" to the list. Raymond

Response:

OH GOD….hugs to you and your family!!! Feel free to vent away. — KL Your argument is sound, nothing but sound. -Benjamin Franklin —-== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com – Unlimited-Uncensored-Secure Usenet News==—- http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups —-= East and West-Coast Server Farms – Total Privacy via Encryption =—-

Response:

Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557 (((((((((((Robyn))))))))))) Hold your brother close to your heart, Robyn. Remember, please, that lots of people are just plain obnoxious, ignorant, and nasty. I doubt that anything about adoption need enter the picture for that to be true<g. Oh…never say you’re sorry if you have felt the need to vent. Feelings are not always ‘touchable’ and we need to get ‘em out any way we can sometimes! Patty B…

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I had a long talk with my abro last night. As some of you may recall, my adad passed away this past December after a long illness. My amom has recently "spilled the beans" as it were and it turns out that he wasn’t the best guy on the planet and TOTALLY unfaithful to my mom. As if this wasn’t bad enough, my abro told me last night that when he was about six, he was driving in the car with my adad, who turned to him and told him that he wasn’t a "real Pratt" (my maiden name) because he was "someone else’s kid". Can you fucking believe that?!? What an asshole. Sorry, just felt like venting Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557 (((((((((((Robyn))))))))))) Hold your brother close to your heart, Robyn. Remember, please, that lots of people are just plain obnoxious, ignorant, and nasty. I doubt that anything about adoption need enter the picture for that to be true<g. Oh…never say you’re sorry if you have felt the need to vent. Feelings are not always ‘touchable’ and we need to get ‘em out any way we can sometimes!

Indeed. It’s just kind of awful to find out that my dad, who while wasn’t the best father in the world, I still thought he was a pretty cool guy (as did most people). Now it turns out that he was a complete asshole and, frankly, I hate him. We’re going to have this ceremony next month where we’re going to dispose of his ashes in the pond in my parents backyard. I told my abro that I feel like drop-kicking them in — Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Not that I believe in a soul, but okey dokey. — Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Robyn: I’m sorry to hear this news….yes, it is awful to tell a child of six something like that. Take care of yourself and talk to your abro; let him know you are there for him. Keep venting and expressing yourself; it’s good for the soul. One Adoptee I had a long talk with my abro last night. As some of you may recall, my adad passed away this past December after a long illness. My amom has recently "spilled the beans" as it were and it turns out that he wasn’t the best guy on the planet and TOTALLY unfaithful to my mom. As if this wasn’t bad enough, my abro told me last night that when he was about six, he was driving in the car with my adad, who turned to him and told him that he wasn’t a "real Pratt" (my maiden name) because he was "someone else’s kid". Can you fucking believe that?!? What an asshole. Sorry, just felt like venting I’m sorry too, Robyn. Ditto to what One Adoptee said. You and your abro take take care of each other.

Thanks, I only see him once in a blue moon and only talk on the phone a couple of times of year, but he does know that I’m here for him. — Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Thanks, we’re okay. At least I found out the man was an asshole after he died, so I don’t have to see him and pretend to be nice. — Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Tough times, Robyn. Our relationships with a parent are often cloudy enough in life, without having to incorporate disturbing information after their deaths. Perhaps some day you’ll be in a position to see him in a more balanced light, as both the man you knew and the man others knew. Don’t throw away your own memories on the basis of others’. My best, J.

Response:

I’ll be honest, I always thought he wasn’t the world’s greatest dad. Fun guy, but not someone you could get close to – Unless you were the next-door neighbor’s wife, apparently <cough Don’t worry, I won’t stay pissed off at him forever. — —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Robyn, your a-dad was a monster. Who could do such a thing to a little kid? You and your brother must stay strong for each other. Hugs Linda

Response:

Robyn, your a-dad was a monster. Who could do such a thing to a little kid?

I guess I’m damn lucky that he never said anything like that to me. You and your brother must stay strong for each other.

Yeah, we’re cool. I mean, the old man’s dead, so what are you going to do about it? — —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Robyn, your a-dad was a monster. Who could do such a thing to a little kid? I guess I’m damn lucky that he never said anything like that to me. You and your brother must stay strong for each other. Yeah, we’re cool. I mean, the old man’s dead, so what are you going to do about it? —

It’s crummy to find this out after he’s dead–but your poor brother. He’s been sitting on that for a long time. If he was a good father to you, then maybe you can try to remember that. If not, well, then don’t feel guilty, you can hate him in peace. (so, does this mean it was considerate of my a-dad to be a bad father? I don’t feel too bad–he’s a rotten father to his bio-kids too.) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Robyn, your a-dad was a monster. Who could do such a thing to a little kid? I guess I’m damn lucky that he never said anything like that to me. You and your brother must stay strong for each other. Yeah, we’re cool. I mean, the old man’s dead, so what are you going to do about it? — It’s crummy to find this out after he’s dead–but your poor brother.

I know! The poor guy. He never really fit in with the rest of the family. Part of it was that we were all light-haired and blue-eyed while he was dark-skinned with black, curly hair. He was quite distant emotionally as well. Gee, I think I’ve figured out why. The poor guy. And to think he’s been carrying this around for 40(!!!) years He’s been sitting on that for a long time. If he was a good father to you, then maybe you can try to remember that. If not, well, then don’t feel guilty, you can hate him in peace.

I have been, thank you (so, does this mean it was considerate of my a-dad to be a bad father? I don’t feel too bad–he’s a rotten father to his bio-kids too.)

Oh well. As long as he was an equal-opportunity bad dad — —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Robyn, FWIW, the last thing my father, striken with colon cancer, did before I helped him die was look me in the eye and say: "you know something, you really could have been someone if you’d tried". This after spending two years of my life being his caregiver, cleaning his stoma, wiping shit off bathroom walls and chasing him down the lane naked in nothing but his bag and socks before his got out onto the highway and got hisself run over. s’pose that a father by any name can be an asshole. ((((((((hugs)))))))) ducks

Response:

Ouch This after spending two years of my life being his caregiver, cleaning his stoma, wiping shit off bathroom walls and chasing him down the lane naked in nothing but his bag and socks before his got out onto the highway and got hisself run over. s’pose that a father by any name can be an asshole.

Indeed. I was hoping no one would pop in with the old "evil adoptive parent" bullshit. I know people whose biofathers were major jerks – My husband is a case in point. I guess the worst thing my adad ever did to me was just be kinda distant. That and absolutely refusing to say that he loved me, even when prompted. Oh well, there are much worse things in life :/ ((((((((hugs))))))))

Right back at you — —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

He wasn’t an old rummy boxer, was he? Old people and dying people can say really mean things, but boy….that must have hurt. Marley – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ouch This after spending two years of my life being his caregiver, cleaning his stoma, wiping shit off bathroom walls and chasing him down the lane naked in nothing but his bag and socks before his got out onto the highway and got hisself run over. s’pose that a father by any name can be an asshole. Indeed. I was hoping no one would pop in with the old "evil adoptive parent" bullshit. I know people whose biofathers were major jerks – My husband is a case in point. I guess the worst thing my adad ever did to me was just be kinda distant. That and absolutely refusing to say that he loved me, even when prompted. Oh well, there are much worse things in life :/ ((((((((hugs)))))))) Right back at you — —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Did she stick with him? He must have had *some* redeeming features. As if this wasn’t bad enough, my abro told me last night that when he was about six, he was driving in the car with my adad, who turned to him and told him that he wasn’t a "real Pratt" (my maiden name) because he was "someone else’s kid".

How absolutely, unbelievably crass…the poor little boy’s self-esteem must have been knocked sideways. Can you fucking believe that?!? What an asshole. Sorry, just felt like venting

Damn right you did. It’s such a let-down to discover after they die that someone we loved had feet of clay. If the two adults in the marriage were able to handle his unfaithfulness without your knowledge while you were growing up, then your mother must have been a very patient and forgiving person. What he said to your brother was horrible, but 35 years ago your dad was possibly less aware of the sheer tactlessness and potential damage in what he was telling his small son. It *may* simply have been his crude attempt to tell your brother about his adoptive status. (((hugs))) Helen

Response:

Would he not have been trying to *compliment* you? That’s the way it looks to me, an outsider, that he was actually paying you a back-handed compliment. If he was normally articulate, his illness, pain and medication may simply have dulled his ability to use the words properly to convey what he was trying to tell you: that you were so remarkable a person (in all that you did for him, that nobody else would have been able to do) that there was nothing in the whole wide world that you couldn’t have achieved if you had wanted to. This after spending two years of my life being his caregiver, cleaning his stoma, wiping shit off bathroom walls and chasing him down the lane naked in nothing but his bag and socks before his got out onto the highway and got hisself run over. s’pose that a father by any name can be an asshole.

He can, but I still reckon he loved you – as you loved him – and he tried to (clumsily) express his admiration of you, but you were (naturally) too sensitive at the time to hear it like that. ((((((((hugs))))))))

((((millions of hugs))) Helen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ducks

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Robyn, FWIW, the last thing my father, striken with colon cancer, did before I helped him die was look me in the eye and say: "you know something, you really could have been someone if you’d tried". Ouch This after spending two years of my life being his caregiver, cleaning his stoma, wiping shit off bathroom walls and chasing him down the lane naked in nothing but his bag and socks before his got out onto the highway and got hisself run over. s’pose that a father by any name can be an asshole. Indeed. I was hoping no one would pop in with the old "evil adoptive parent" bullshit. I know people whose biofathers were major jerks – My husband is a case in point. I guess the worst thing my adad ever did to me was just be kinda distant. That and absolutely refusing to say that he loved me, even when prompted. Oh well, there are much worse things in life :/

My mother is 85 and has never once (to my certain knowledge) told me that she loved me. I don’t remember prompting her to say the L word either, but I doubt she would have understood what I was getting at. <s When I ever tried to give her a hug she would turn her head away, and of course she never volunteered one, herself. The closest she has come to uttering it is in relation to one of my daughters, who is the apple of her eye. My other daughter is left out of the loop, along with me. As a reaction to the lack in my life, I made damn sure that each of my four was exposed to the L word *millions* of times. My father was the demonstrative one in our family, thank God, but then he didn’t spend all his young life – as she did – in a boarding school. (((hugs))) Robyn. Helen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ((((((((hugs)))))))) Right back at you

Response:

Sure did. I didn’t think much of her either after that, but it was a different time and women didn’t leave their husbands so easily, especially with two kids. He must have had *some* redeeming features.

Oh, he wasn’t a monster, just a very bad boy :/ As if this wasn’t bad enough, my abro told me last night that when he was about six, he was driving in the car with my adad, who turned to him and told him that he wasn’t a "real Pratt" (my maiden name) because he was "someone else’s kid". How absolutely, unbelievably crass…the poor little boy’s self-esteem must have been knocked sideways.

Believe me, it explains a LOT of his behavior while we were growing up. Shoot, we didn’t even get along until we were both in our 20s. I always wondered why he was so withdrawn from the rest of the family. Now, I know why Can you fucking believe that?!? What an asshole. Sorry, just felt like venting Damn right you did. It’s such a let-down to discover after they die that someone we loved had feet of clay.

I knew he wasn’t perfect – in fact he’d confided two affairs to me. However, I wasn’t aware that he was screwing, or at least trying to, every woman in town! If the two adults in the marriage were able to handle his unfaithfulness without your knowledge while you were growing up, then your mother must have been a very patient and forgiving person.

LOL, not with us kids, that’s for sure. I understand a bit more about that now as well. What he said to your brother was horrible, but 35 years ago your dad was possibly less aware of the sheer tactlessness and potential damage in what he was telling his small son.

No, he was just a selfish prick. It *may* simply have been his crude attempt to tell your brother about his adoptive status.

My brother already knew by that age as did I. No, my dad was just an asshole. Oh well. (((hugs)))

Thanks. Now, if I can just get through this spread-his-ashes ceremony without spitting in them — —— Robyn Resident Witchypoo Bride of Satan #1557

Response:

Robyn, FWIW, the last thing my father, striken with colon cancer, did before I helped him die was look me in the eye and say: "you know something, you really could have been someone if you’d tried". Would he not have been trying to *compliment* you? That’s the way it looks to me, an outsider, that he was actually paying you a back-handed compliment.

Would that have been the case….Unfortunately it was not. He wanted me to be a lawyer, or in finance like he was. When I open my ad agency and spent my free time writing/recording music he thought I was a bum. ducks

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