Talk Cancer

Question:

<< I guess I may be guilty of having attacked a person like that once or twice As have I, but I try not to do it, and generally succeed. I think mostly when I have snapped, it’s been in an interaction with someone who’s fighting dirty and attacking me. It’s hard not to get sucked into that kind of thing. Usually I avoid people *like the plague* with whom I am likely to have that kind of interaction,  because I’ve got zero patience for tumultuous relationships. Some people thrive on it, but it’s poison to me. <<Then the person crosses the line in some way.  Attacks me verbally in some way that is totally off limits, or, more often, hits me.  People don’t hit often in civilized society, but sometimes they do, maybe not even hard, but just as part of their argument or to force an issue or show their domination. I’m not sure how concious it is on their part, but I’m hyper sensitive to power plays, and *nobody* is allowed to hit me. Luckily nobody has ever hit me, though I realized somewhere in the middle of this argument with my brother that on an instinctive level he was scaring me. Not that he’s ever hit me or I expect that he would, but he’s bigger than I am, and he was about two feet away from my face screaming at me. This is a big way that many people in my family, mostly male, communicate with each other. There’s a lot of loud debating and talking over each other and getting in each other’s faces, particularly with this brother. What to him probably seemed fairly rational felt threatening to me. <<But it’s different when somebody just does that out of the blue, or out of malice, not self defense. I suppose to a lot of people it is self-defense. Attack before you can be attacked. After some of these run-ins with this brother I’ve thought about some of the things he’s said, and see how some of it’s clearly coming from his own insecurities or guilt that he’s projecting onto me (though I’m sure he would deny this and say that he yelled at me cause I needed yellin at kelly

Response:

<<be careful.  sometimes people can be in pretty desperate straits — it’s not greed, but a simple desire to *survive*, to get out of some horrible situation, that can motivate people. <<my sister’s in $300,000 debt for her cancer treatment, and right now isn’t getting tests because her insurance is out and we’re all too poor to pay for it.  would i dig through manure, or eat worms, for a few hundred thousand bucks?  you bet your ass i would. -c Certainly you would and most people would do almost anything in that situation. I’ve been in situations not nearly that bad but which felt desperate to me at the time, and I have done things or nearly done things that I am not proud of. I acknowledge that it’s not my place to judge other people’s circumstances. And of course what makes me desperate is not going to be the same for everyone else. Somehow, though, sacrificing a little dignity to help care for a loved one seems to be on a different level than sacrificing dignity to get a new stereo. My disdain comes from this idea in American culture, which seems especially prevalent in the media right now with the current Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Survivor, Big Brother frenzy, that money is more important than *anything* else — ethics, integrity, relationships, self-respect —and that money can solve all problems. Money can clearly solve some problems, or help to mitigate some problems. But I don’t like the message that money is the end all be all of everything, that one’s worth as a human being is proportionate to one’s financial worth. So yeah, basically it’s harmless if some guy wants to humiliate himself so he can afford to go on vacation. But there’s a whole slippery slope effect, which is actually what’s interesting about some of these shows. They invite us to think about what money means to us, what we would be willing to do for it, where we draw the line. Kelly (p/e)

Response:

There is some show (I’ve forgotten the name) where people write in and agree to perform dares for money, things like digging through manure and eating worms. Yes, it just warms your heart what some people will do.

be careful.  sometimes people can be in pretty desperate straits — it’s not greed, but a simple desire to *survive*, to get out of some horrible situation, that can motivate people. my sister’s in $300,000 debt for her cancer treatment, and right now isn’t getting tests because her insurance is out and we’re all too poor to pay for it.  would i dig through manure, or eat worms, for a few hundred thousand bucks?  you bet your ass i would. -c

Response:

<< I’m with you.  ANY kind of public or social confrontation leaves me in high panic mode. Me too. I’m very uncomfortable with confrontation. My father’s the cold shoulder type. If he’s pissed off at you, or just in a bad mood, he just stops talking to you. When he was depressed or angry, all of the oxygen got sucked out of the house. I learned early to be hypersensitive to moods, to see which way the wind was blowing before I said anything or did anything. When I was 3 or 4 my mother asked me once was I’d been so quiet that morning. I told her that I never talked when Daddy was breathing that way. So confrontation has always felt dangerous for me, not because of what would be said, but because it meant total emotional abandonment. If you confronted my father you ceased to exist. Definately there are worse things, I know. I also don’t think that confrontation is about reaching into the dark bilge or your soul and spewing forth whatever you find there in the name of honesty. I think you can confront someone without belittling them. That’s what bugged me about the whole thing. <<Comes from various long term abusive family relationships I believe. <<I remember one occasion when my entire family proceeded to take turns telling me what a horrible useless, worthless, unwanted, stupid etc individual I was.  The crown was my father calling me a slut. I was 10 or 11 I believe. I’m sorry. I can only imagine how that feels. <<At any rate I agree with you.  I have not watched survivor however because I think it is one of the all time lows for the entertainment field. It’s low alright, that’s why I’ve been watching it : ) It was also an interesting study in human interactions/group psychology. <<right down there with Springer and various Fox "when blank attacks" shows.I find cinema veritae very triggering .  It excites my rage which then as always turns on myself and I end up so depressed I can’t think clearly for days. Sometimes it can be triggering for me. Jerry Springer, in particular horrifies me, and can bring me way down, watching all of these people stuck in their sick cycles. <<They should just call all of these shows "What can we make people do on camera for money" and get on with it. There is some show (I’ve forgotten the name) where people write in and agree to perform dares for money, things like digging through manure and eating worms. Yes, it just warms your heart what some people will do. Kelly

Response:

(Harleyman) pondered: –little snip– If they really want to enhance ratings and live up to the shows’ title, the next batch of castaways will have weapons. Harleyman

Hear hear.. and let’s make all the contestants former springer guests.. or members of governement. Silently mad.  Take away ‘MyMeds’ to contact me

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -x-no-archive:yes Like 40 million other Americans, I just watched the 2-hour season finale of Survivor, and now, I’m embarassed to say that I’m wound tight as a drum. It’s not who the winner is. I don’t care about that. It’s the five-minute demeaning soul-squelching shredding that one of the losers gave to one of the two finalists, in front of their peers and on television. Of course, I was watching this, too. Along with my 12 year old.  As terribly uncomfortable *I* was with Susan reaming Kelly, I was surprised to see how upset my son got over it. "Mom, I can’t believe that lady is talking to her that way!" He was squirming, and so was I.  That was truly one of the uglier events I have witnessed in my life.

I watched with my 12 year old daughter as well. I was actually wanting her to win before that. Ack! My daughter and I just looked at each other, dumbfounded. I said, I guess she’s a little bitter, and we laughed. But I felt bad. *You* DO NOT have the right to subject another human being with these adjectives just because "that’s who I am", therefor spewing your hate, anger and venom, and thus hurting, another human being. If you are doing this to *me*, I have something to say to you:  I am NOT your dart board, your pincushion, your trash  can, your toilet, your outlet for ANY of this. As for Susan, it just made her look like the sore loser that she is, and always will be.  I particularly liked her thinly veiled threats of future violence.

Amen to that. k4k

Response:

Like 40 million other Americans, I just watched the 2-hour season finale of Survivor, and now, I’m embarassed to say that I’m wound tight as a drum. It’s not who the winner is. I don’t care about that. It’s the five-minute demeaning soul-squelching shredding that one of the losers gave to one of the two finalists, in front of their peers and on television. I was embarrassed to be watching someone do that to another person. She later said something to the effect of "well that’s how I am."

That’s the kind of thing my ex husband says to excuse his shitty behavior too. I really riled me up too. It brought back the feelings I had a few weeks ago when my brother shredded me in front of four family members, one of those instances that has happened with him a few times when a line is crossed between arguing with me and attacking me verbally. Suddenly everything becomes not about the issue, but about hurting the other person. I don’t like to interact with people that way, even people I don’t like, and it completely blows me away when other people are so casual about trying to take away somebody’s dignity. This is a big thing with me.

I’m sorry your brother did that to you. That sucks. uhh….I started to write more about this fight with my brother, but this is too long already. stupid tv.

Maybe you’ll want to write about it later. k4k

Response:

Like 40 million other Americans, I just watched the 2-hour season finale of Survivor, and now, I’m embarassed to say that I’m wound tight as a drum. It’s not who the winner is. I don’t care about that. It’s the five-minute demeaning soul-squelching shredding that one of the losers gave to one of the two finalists, in front of their peers and on television. I was embarrassed to be watching someone do that to another person. She later said something to the effect of "well that’s how I am." It brought back the feelings I had a few weeks ago when my brother shredded me in front of four family members, one of those instances that has happened with him a few times when a line is crossed between arguing with me and attacking me verbally. Suddenly everything becomes not about the issue, but about hurting the other person. I don’t like to interact with people that way, even people I don’t like, and it completely blows me away when other people are so casual about trying to take away somebody’s dignity. This is a big thing with me. uhh….I started to write more about this fight with my brother, but this is too long already. stupid tv.

Response:

I’m with you.  ANY kind of public or social confrontation leaves me in high panic mode. Comes from various long term abusive family relationships I believe. I remember one occasion when my entire family proceeded to take turns telling me what a horrible useless, worthless, unwanted, stupid etc individual I was.  The crown was my father calling me a slut. I was 10 or 11 I believe. At any rate I agree with you.  I have not watched survivor however because I think it is one of the all time lows for the entertainment field.. right down there with Springer and various Fox "when blank attacks" shows. I find cinema veritae very triggering .  It excites my rage which then as always turns on myself and I end up so depressed I can’t think clearly for days. They just announced on CNN who won which I find amusing. Unlike people who had to suffer through the show for x number of weeks I got the result (even though I really wasn’t interested in it) in 30 seconds. They should just call all of these shows "What can we make people do on camera for money" and get on with it. Silently Mad -(self appointed TV critique) pondered: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Like 40 million other Americans, I just watched the 2-hour season finale of Survivor, and now, I’m embarassed to say that I’m wound tight as a drum. It’s not who the winner is. I don’t care about that. It’s the five-minute demeaning soul-squelching shredding that one of the losers gave to one of the two finalists, in front of their peers and on television. I was embarrassed to be watching someone do that to another person. She later said something to the effect of "well that’s how I am." It brought back the feelings I had a few weeks ago when my brother shredded me in front of four family members, one of those instances that has happened with him a few times when a line is crossed between arguing with me and attacking me verbally. Suddenly everything becomes not about the issue, but about hurting the other person. I don’t like to interact with people that way, even people I don’t like, and it completely blows me away when other people are so casual about trying to take away somebody’s dignity. This is a big thing with me. uhh….I started to write more about this fight with my brother, but this is too long already. stupid tv.

 Take away ‘MyMeds’ to contact me

Response: