Talk Cancer

Question:

Hi,  (didn’t get your name) I just wanted you to know that I read your post and that I can feel your struggles.  First of all, if you’re pregnant, it is very, very bad to engage in bulimic behavior.  You say that you love your bf, but it is very important that if you have this baby, you put its health needs first. What about your parents?  Will they help you? I am still studying for a final, so I can’t write more now. Please take care, Dani

To follow up on Dani’s thoughts, Your boyfriend has a responsibility to the child, whether your boyfriend’s mother wants to acknowledge it or not. Your boyfriend is a father-to-be.  When your child is born, your boyfriend will be a father.  Whether he chooses to be a father-in-prescence in spirit, or a biological father only, he has responsibilities. I hope your boyfriend will be there for you during the pregnancy and after — if not in marriage (marrying because of children instead of a true lifetime commitment often doesn’t work, but it doesn’t take being married to be responsible and fulfilling a commitment). Whether your boyfriend likes it or not, he will have financial responsibilities, child support, and other responsibilities (as well as being there for the child if he is willing and able).  Just because you bear a child, doesn’t mean the responsibilities fall only on you — they should be equally shared by mother and father. You may have free legal advice available to you in your community. Regardless of whether your boyfriend seems willing to help at any particular point in time, I would seek out any support resources available to you in your community.  If you’re in the U.S. the United Way is often a good place to start (here in Dane County WI it’s a very good organization). Best wishes, Kevin P.S. — I hope your boyfriend can untighten mother’s apron-strings a bit; at 27 he’s old enough to take responsibility regardless of his mother’s advice.

Response:

Hi,  (didn’t get your name) I just wanted you to know that I read your post and that I can feel your struggles.  First of all, if you’re pregnant, it is very, very bad to engage in bulimic behavior.  You say that you love your bf, but it is very important that if you have this baby, you put its health needs first. What about your parents?  Will they help you? I am still studying for a final, so I can’t write more now. Please take care, Dani – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I used to post to this group but stopped after a while for some reason. Since then I got pregnent to my b/f and he kicked me out and now keeps comming back and forth saying he doesn’t know what to do?!  I’ve been bulimic for nearly 4 years and I’m just so damn confused! He says I’m too possesive of him and jelous and I try not to be but I just can’t help it! His parents won’t leave him alone and have been living with him for the 8 weeks! since I left and say they want nothing to do with baby because I’m the one having it!  His mother has some kind of mental problem!  and I mean problem!! and since knowing her I feel really crazy! I’m only 19 and he’s 27 and I feel older than him! I love him so much and don’t won’t to lose him but all this shit with his parents is just making me worse and I’m worried he will have a break down or somthing because he’s constantly being pulled one way by me and another way by them…

Response:

one thing about bulemia, in the beginning i thought it was wonderful, eat whatever i want and be slim and attractive.  i then went to 4 treatment centres and literally asked for shock therapy to get better. i have irritablebowel syndrome(feels like your digesting rocks, and have to take digestive enzymes as i can’t absorb most of the nutrients in foods. THIS IS A PROGRESWSIVE ILLNESS!  IF  you posted this to me and i was your age, i doubt i’d listen, probably figure i ‘ll stop long before that time.  after my divorce, and after making a decision to let my 2 children live with their father(as i knew he would be a wonderful father), and i was working 7 shifts ata cancer hospital and tthey boys nver saw me.  just day care and babysitter.  i was so depresssed i was suicidal.  i was also having culture shock, as we lived for 5 years in northern alberta(almost at the no tree line), and was overwhelmed with the city.  didn’t have a friend in the worlds and my parents didn’t support me, my fathers a minister and thought enabling me was  a mistake.  the only reason i married was because i was prefnant(minister’s daughters don’t taket the pill, and we had sex once!  anyway. it lasted 5 years,  i used ed behavior to deal with my grief, if i didn’t have kids it would have been easier, but jeremy and trevor were 3 and 5. beautiful blond curly hair and brilliant blue eyes.  when we split up  he went to alberta and i came to tornto.  the hardest decision i ever made was to admit i didn’t have the [parenting skills needed to bring up a child.  sorry, this got pretty long. my point is that for 25 years i tried to numb out the pain, and it never worked.  currently the boys remain in alberta, don’t want contact with me(i am not sure why), and the oldest had a  child so i am a grandmother at 47! but have never seen her.    broken heart   pinkpistachio

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I used to post to this group but stopped after a while for some reason. Since then I got pregnent to my b/f and he kicked me out and now keeps comming back and forth saying he doesn’t know what to do?!  I’ve been bulimic for nearly 4 years and I’m just so damn confused! He says I’m too possesive of him and jelous and I try not to be but I just can’t help it! His parents won’t leave him alone and have been living with him for the 8 weeks! since I left and say they want nothing to do with baby because I’m the one having it!  His mother has some kind of mental problem!  and I mean problem!! and since knowing her I feel really crazy! I’m only 19 and he’s 27 and I feel older than him! I love him so much and don’t won’t to lose him but all this shit with his parents is just making me worse and I’m worried he will have a break down or somthing because he’s constantly being pulled one way by me and another way by them… Another thought that I didn’t mention in my previous post is that other support services in your area may be able to offer information on alternatives, such as adoption. You may already know what you plan to do, but in case you didn’t, I thought I would mention that.  My sister was adopted around the time she was born, and has been as much of a sister as any biological one would be. One thing to consider is that regardless of what input you get from others, it is your decision; noone can pressure you to do something that you do not want to do (well, they can pressure you, but in the end it is *your* choice). I just noticed that your e-mail address has "au" in it — does that stand for Austria?  The laws may vary depending on what country you live in, so what I have posted about may not be true where you live but many of the thoughts may still apply. Best wishes, Kevin

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi, I used to post to this group but stopped after a while for some reason. Since then I got pregnent to my b/f and he kicked me out and now keeps comming back and forth saying he doesn’t know what to do?!  I’ve been bulimic for nearly 4 years and I’m just so damn confused! He says I’m too possesive of him and jelous and I try not to be but I just can’t help it! His parents won’t leave him alone and have been living with him for the 8 weeks! since I left and say they want nothing to do with baby because I’m the one having it!  His mother has some kind of mental problem!  and I mean problem!! and since knowing her I feel really crazy! I’m only 19 and he’s 27 and I feel older than him! I love him so much and don’t won’t to lose him but all this shit with his parents is just making me worse and I’m worried he will have a break down or somthing because he’s constantly being pulled one way by me and another way by them…

Another thought that I didn’t mention in my previous post is that other support services in your area may be able to offer information on alternatives, such as adoption. You may already know what you plan to do, but in case you didn’t, I thought I would mention that.  My sister was adopted around the time she was born, and has been as much of a sister as any biological one would be. One thing to consider is that regardless of what input you get from others, it is your decision; noone can pressure you to do something that you do not want to do (well, they can pressure you, but in the end it is *your* choice). I just noticed that your e-mail address has "au" in it — does that stand for Austria?  The laws may vary depending on what country you live in, so what I have posted about may not be true where you live but many of the thoughts may still apply. Best wishes, Kevin

Response: