Talk Cancer » Cancer Hospital » Quick Update (as if anyone cares)
Quick Update (as if anyone cares)
Question:
I haven’t posted in quite a while, and wanted to give a quick update – not for whining puposes, but for the therapeutic effect it gives me by telling others who can relate. A few months ago I attempted suicide and was in the hospital for about a week – I now take 80 mg. of prozac per day which seems to help. I lost my cane a few weeks ago and instead of buying another one right away I decided to go it without suppport for a while – a big mistake! My balance isn’t good and I fell and fractured my wrist. Sometimes it seems likes it’s one thing after another!!! Anyway, I’m still taking plenty of medication (avonex, klonopin, dilantin, and vicodin for pain). I going to ask my neuro if I can wean myself off some of this stuff except the dilantin. I already tried that with bad results. Just wanted to say hi and I enjoy reading all the posts. Thanks for being there. :=) Ralph in Michigan
Response:
Ralph, Thank you for posting. I am glad that your suicide attempt failed, and so sorry that you felt so badly that you needed to try it. You didn’t mention whether or not you are in counseling in addition to taking Prozac. With all that you are dealing with (chronic disease, broken bones, and for awhile, anyhow, a broken spirit) it couldn’t hurt. Anyway, please stay in touch with us here so that we may provide emotional support. It seems as if someone is always here day or night–most of us don’t seem to sleep! Until we here from you again (and please let that be soon), Take Care. Jeanie Mac
Response:
On Tue, 18 Nov 1997 09:57:09 -0500, Ralph <rm…@rust.net> wrote: >I haven’t posted in quite a while, and wanted to give a quick update – >not for whining puposes, but for the therapeutic effect it gives me by >telling others who can relate. A few months ago I attempted suicide and >was in the hospital for about a week
Dear Ralph, I’m glad you posted. Being in touch really helps with depression. Treat yourself very gently. Kate
Response:
<I attempted suicide> Yep, I been there, did that. When one gets to the end of the rope it is = so easy to let go. What events brought it on? How did you attempt it? Remember the last moments of conscientiousness? Tell me about it. How do= you feel about suicide? Like when I tried it and almost succeeded, I rememb= er the last seconds. Yep, it is a viable alternative; But leaves those behind with a bitter t= aste. ’Course they are not there at the end of the rope with you, are they? — Jimmy Porter =937000′ up in the Rocky Mountains in the Wind River Range=94 Dubois, Wyoming USA 1-800-URANTIA
Response:
I have to admit, throughout my life, I have contemplated suicide (yes, the eternally happy-seeming Cyd has a darker side). Never went through with it, but not because of me. Because I couldn’t stand to think of what I would be doing to those I left behind. It was never enough for me to do something to myself that would permanently hurt someone else, my family, my friends. Some people see suicide as a way of "getting back" at those who didn’t pay attention in their life, so maybe they might sit up and listen to their death. And what good does that do them? So someone notices – too late for you. Some people see it as a way of escape. But to what? If you are a religious person, most religions see suicide as a sin. Okay, so you’ll go from a painful life to a painful death in Hell, if you believe in it. If you don’t, then you still haven’t gained much, if anything. You go from a painful life to oblivion. Nada. Nix. Nothing. And this is better? I imagine that some people think so, otherwise they wouldn’t do it. Either that, or they haven’t thought it through. But if they have thought it through, then I still don’t see why Mr. Kevorkian is necessary. What are these people doing? They are taking the responsibility out of their own hands and putting it in someone else’s. After all, it’s not suicide if someone else kills you. You may welcome death, but it’s not your fault, they didn’t have to kill you. THIS is why I do not approve of Kevorkian. Because it takes the responsibility out of your hands and drops it into someone else’s. "Well gee, I won’t have to make the real decision, he’ll do it for me. If he doesn’t feel I’m bad enough to go, then he won’t do it." But that’s not quite the way it works. Death is permanent. If you believe in reincarnation, you still won’t remember it, more than likely. But you don’t come back from death, and it won’t make anyone else feel better to know you took your own life. And those people who go to Kevorkian don’t have to feel the responsiblity in what they do to others. To be honest with you, I think suicide is extra- ordinarily selfish. If it is someone’s time to go, then it just is, and I don’t believe in extending the life of the body past the point to which it was meant to go. I don’t believe in hanging on using life support having machines breathing for me, and machines pumping my blood for me, and machines feeding Don’t get me wrong, I choose life. I also choose to live. IF it is my time, then it is just that, and I will go gracefully to that which is coming. But I will not hasten my own end, and will not torture those around me by either taking it too soon, or extending it beyond the point to which I was meant to go. Because I believe that to live is a responsibility. And it is my own responsibility to choose what to do, not to make someone else do my dirty work for me. I know this has been a bit dark for my normal mood. But I was a residence counselor in college, I have seen more children (yes I say CHILDREN) take their own lives for frivolous reasons than most of you probably have. And I have also seen more people rescued from the brink, who come back and thank the people who saved them. I know that everyone who goes to Kevorkian feels they are in too much pain to cope. "Life IS pain, princess, anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something." Life is what one chooses to make of it. Many people who came to visit me in the hospital during my first serious exacerbation wondered about my extraordinarily positive attitude. I was going to come out of the hospital, and nothing was going to stop me. Admittedly, when they weren’t around, I was brooding, wondering why I was afflicted with this, why me? And then you know what I said? Tough. There were others who didn’t have a choice in life. There are people who are dying of cancer, and dying of aids, and dying of pneumonia, or accidents, or just plain fate. And I wasn’t one of them. I wasn’t dying, I was dying to live. Because to every end, there is a new beginning. After that stay in the hospital, the old Cyd died. A new one came into being. I haven’t thought about the idea of taking my life since then. Because I have a responsibility to myself and others to live. Someone thought enough of me to bring me into this world. The least I can do is make the best of what I’ve been given. Sermon off. Pardon the length. Cyberhugs, Cyd :) ~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ `~-._| I love being alive ` ~ ) and I will be the best woman I possibly can. – // I will take love wherever I find it ,,.–(_ ("""^==–* and offer it to everybody who will take it. ;;( ,___, ,/~; Seek knowledge from those who are wiser ;’ )/>/ ’–, and teach those who wish to learn from me. | ` |" -Unknown ~~ " " " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Response:
On 25 Nov 1997 14:46:23 -0500, c…@rci.rutgers.edu (Cyd) wrote: >I have to admit, throughout my life, I have contemplated suicide (yes, the >eternally happy-seeming Cyd has a darker side). Never went through with it, >but not because of me
I’m a religious person. There have been times in deep depression that my prayer has been for God to hang on for me because I cannot do it myself. I am extraordinarily grateful for His support through those dark times. So I understand depression and the difficulty of going on with a hard and painful life. However, when I have found light at the end of my twisty black tunnels, I’ve been grateful and full of joy. I think that it makes sense to help people look for that light, not to deny that it exists. The people with MS who have turned to Kevorkian, for the most part, have not been paralyzed and unable to move. They could easily have chosen to finagle enough sleeping pills or purchase a gun. Instead, they become part of a bizarre activity involving carbon monoxide machines which they have to operate themselves. Their bodies get left off in motel rooms or at the door of emergency rooms. While I believe that suicide is wrong for me, I leave that moral decision up to those who want to make it for themselves. What I don not want happening is physicians involved in the process, followed closely by the government, insurance companies, and greedy or wacky relatives. I also do not want Kevorkian or the government or any greedy or wacky relatives I may have telling me that my life as a disabled woman is not worth living. When those dark, discouraging moments arise in my life, I want someone to say, "You’ve been through this before, Kate. You’ll make it through again. Look for the light that is surely at the end of this tunnel." Kate