Talk Cancer

Question:

A polygraph (lie detector) examination costs $300-500. Ask him if he will. Ask him if he will "what"?

A. Take a polygraph. B. Cheat on her. C. All of the above.

Response:

ML, I’m glad you have such an amicable relationship, and see the kids often!  We also have an amicable relationship, and I’m sure it makes *all* the difference in the world, (if it’s at all possible). You have undoubtedly explained this before, but if you don’t mind, can I ask why you didn’t stay in the house with the kids, and have him move out instead?  (If you’d rather not go there, then just tell me.  If just seems a bit atypical). Thanks, Bill in Colorado – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Are there any success stories of how to deal with your ex-spouse in shared parenting?  If so, where can I find them? Awhile back i posted about how the situation my ex and i have for our kids has probably done them less harm than some have.  This was pointed out by my son’s therapst (who he sees for other reasons than the divorce).  I can’t find the post, though. (maybe Janie can? she’s good at that).. But i consider it a "success" story compared to a lot of other situations.  I feel that we were very lucky, in spite of divorce. In a nutshell, the kids stayed with their dad (along with the house, dog most of the stuff and money).  We remained civil (except a couple rocky spots during the divorce) and we remained businesslike.  The kids weren’t led to have any false hopes of reconciliation, and we were open and honest with them about everything..  I did nothing to cause mistrust, so the kids’ dad let me keep keys to the house and it’s basically "open door" policy for me to be with them, and we never had to use a rigid "visitation schedule".  I live 20 minutes away and am in frequent contact with the kids and stay "in their face" whether they want it or not.  They were 11 & 14 at the time of separation, and are now almost-16 and 19. Sure, it’s not like an "intact" family, but as far as divorce goes, it’s one of the closest-to-ideal that i know.

Response:

ML, I’m glad you have such an amicable relationship, and see the kids often!  We also have an amicable relationship, and I’m sure it makes *all* the difference in the world, (if it’s at all possible). You have undoubtedly explained this before, but if you don’t mind, can I ask why you didn’t stay in the house with the kids, and have him move out instead?  (If you’d rather not go there, then just tell me.  If just seems a bit atypical).

I had just had cancer surgery and wasn’t sure if i was going to make it or not.  I was damned sickly at 108 pounds (5′9") and my 11-yr old cried and asked me if i was going to die.  I was in and out of the hospital a few times. That coupled with the divorce then in full-swing, my ex yelling at me (he did a lot back then, although he doesn’t now) and my having no idea how i was going to make a living to support myself, much less two growing boys.  My ex told me that it was HIS house and HIS kids and i was not going to take them.   (He had already had his son from his first marriage taken away).. I didn’t want a court battle.  Who would give the kids to a sickly person with no earning potential or home, as opposed to one with a stable job, good health and a home?    Besides, i felt that the kids needed their father.  If he had been the NCP, he may have disappeared from their lives.  THe only way i would disappear from their lives would have to be death.  And even then i’d probably hang around to check on them. I kept close watch on how they were doing during the separation period which lasted over 2 years before the divorce was final.  If they hadn’t been thriving, things may have been different.  I wanted the best they could get, no matter which one of us would be giving that to them. It was a unique set of circumstances, but i felt that God was in charge of it the whole time.

Response:

will have only MINIMAL contact as required for our shared parenting.  period.  but I haven’t sent the email yet because damn it’s so hard yep…  

terrible.  we have been split up for a year yet there are SO many tentacles linking us….it’s as if he was my breath.  I was always pretty independent, but until the split you don’t realize how linked you were….I go back to every significant event in my life since I was 18, and he was part of it. truth is, he was part of EVERYthing.  and so it’s like a death, and you have to accept that it is done…but with a death you have no choice, and with this I have to actually "kill" him by severing it, for my emotional health and for my future.  My counselor said "you have to detach," and he doesn’t want to either, he wants to keep the closeness we had but it’s simply not possible, he has a fianc